A Twisted Puzzle
by SmithandJones
Summary: A short one-shot, slightly cracky dialogue between John and Sherlock in Baker Street. John regrets recommending Sherlock a new case.


**Argh. First story post. Read and review, if you please. Sorry that it's awful, but it had to be written. **

"Sherlock, this is utterly ridiculous."  
>"Quiet! I'm meditating. This problem shows many features of interest..."<br>"Seriously? This has been going on for three days, Sherlock..."  
>"Clearly. Quiet now."<br>"I can't believe you. I'm going to bed."  
>"What?... No! You can't just leave me to solve it unaided. As it stands, a killer is on the loose."<br>"I leave it in your capable hands... I wish I'd never recommended it to you..."  
>"I'm grateful to you for it, John. Really. It's not often a case appears with such interesting features - no body, few clues, no opportunity to question suspects, no DNA evidence, no CCTV, no obvious motives..."<br>"You're bonkers"  
>"Some people think so, but I just think I'm free..."<br>"...Did you seriously just quote Dizzee Rascal at me?"  
>"...no..."<br>"...Right. When exactly was the last time you slept? Or ate, for that matter?"  
>"Boring. Dull. Unnecessary."<br>"You weren't saying that when Donovan and Anderson laughed at you for fainting from low blood sugar levels..."  
>"I don't believe I said anything, being unconscious as I was."<br>"Smartarse."  
>"Quite."<br>"So, what's the theory then?"  
>"The butler committed the murder, that much I did deduce. The victim had discovered his secret heroin habit, and attempted to blackmail the butler with this information to fund his own not entirely irreproachable gambling habit. Unfortunately for the victim, the butler was high as a kite when threatened – he panicked at the threat of public disgrace, killed the victim and stole his personal possessions to make it seem like a simple mugging - the ransom note for the rare blue carbuncle ring was obviously a simple diversion."<br>"You got all that from… Note? Wait, what note?"  
>"I deduced the presence of a note, and its contents. It was obvious, really."<br>"Hmm. Sherlock, the only thing obvious to me you should get some sleep."  
>"So. Dull. How can you rest knowing a killer is at large, and such an ingenious one at that?"<br>"Have the fumes from your experiments been particularly toxic lately, or are you simply insane?"  
>"They have not! Well, you know, not especially..."<br>"Right. Well, no more sugar for you then. I'm going to bed – it's three in the morning and I've work tomorrow."  
>"NO!"<br>"Stop being so childish, Sherlock! Don't yell, you'll wake Mrs Hudson up! She needs rest, her hip's been acting up…"  
>"If you leave I'll start telling people we're actually 'together'"<br>"...You wouldn't"  
>"Try me. People think it already. All they need is the slightest implication of confirmation."<br>"Yeah, and whose fault is that?"  
>"What? You're blaming me for other people's stupidity? They're the ones who couldn't deduce their way out of a paper bag given all relevant data and a penknife."<br>"Well it doesn't help that you never deny it, Sherlock! You just swish around, that coat of yours billowing all over the place-"  
>"What's wrong with my coat? I like my coat!"<br>"There's nothing wrong with it, Sherlock, I'm just saying you don't really do much to quash the rumours..."  
>"What has that got to do with my coat?"<br>"Well, nothing but-"  
>"Then leave the coat out of it. Respect the coat, John."<br>"Respect the…? Seriously, are you feeling dizzy?"  
>"Quiet. Concentrating."<br>"I've had quite enough of this, I'm going to bed."  
>"Fine. I can deduce the killer on my own."<br>"You do that, Sherlock."

"..."  
>"I can't BELIEVE you're walking away from this, John! The most interesting case in years! At last, something captivating and you just want to 'go to bed' It's just completely idiotic-"<br>"Oh, for God's sake, Sherlock! That's it, this has gone too far! I'm never, EVER, playing Cluedo with you again!"

**Apologies if it's a bit... well, completely terrible. Reviews are welcome. Bring on the flames!**

**UPDATE: For any of you who have seen series two, clearly, Moff-tiss have stolen my idea. Or maybe not… Well, this was out before series two, so proof that I'm a seer for sure! For my next fic – a complete explanation of the resolution of that Series Two ending… **

**Or not.**

**R&R, virtual cream tea for everyone who does!**


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